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Jul 12, 2011
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broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that. corruption of your national institutions have got enyou don't, haven't they, chappy? >> jon: only a trusted friend could through perhaps a comparative back and forth put my troubles in perspective. i think that would be -- >> have no fear ♪ ♪ england's here ♪ to make you feel ♪ a ittle etter ♪. >> jon: what, what just happened to your con son ants. >> we took them hem when we're elping eople. >> jon: that's charming. i think are you in own your head, quite frankly. we have real trouble in this country. >> right, jon, what would england know about a dying empire with rotting institutions. well, let
broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that....
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Jul 28, 2011
07/11
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because, and i know jon -- jon doesn't want any part of this, but jon, i have some ideas i would like you to hear us out on -- >> we talked about this already, jimmy. >> i think it's a good idea. >> jimmy: if you give me a minute to make a little pitch here. i know this is not something you want to do. okay, so -- first of all, here's an idea. "cowboys with benefits." what do you think? >> let's move on. let's talk about this movie. >> jimmy: "cowboys and gary busey." kind of the same film. oh, this is a big hit. "cowboys and kardashians." >> let's move back to olilia talking about our movie. >> i think it's a good idea.. >> jimmy: "cowboyz to men." you're going to like this. "cowboys and tiaras." fun with the title.d a lot of >> jimmy: one more. how about "dallas cowboys cheer leaders and aliens?" >> jon likes that one. >> jimmy: i don't understand -- >> we get the joke. >> jimmy: we have a problem for this for some reason. >> i'm a fan of the idea. >> jimmy: olivia and i worked out a presentation. >> yeah, to give you an idea. >> jimmy: that i would like you to just watch, please, a
because, and i know jon -- jon doesn't want any part of this, but jon, i have some ideas i would like you to hear us out on -- >> we talked about this already, jimmy. >> i think it's a good idea. >> jimmy: if you give me a minute to make a little pitch here. i know this is not something you want to do. okay, so -- first of all, here's an idea. "cowboys with benefits." what do you think? >> let's move on. let's talk about this movie. >> jimmy:...
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[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the assault rifles we sold mexican cartels didn't work, how do we find out where the guns are? what is plan "b"? >> the only way you're going to find those guns in mexico is where? >> at crime scenes in which either the bad guy was killed and his gun was left at the scene or used during the commission of a crime in which the gun was left behind. >> jon: okay. [laughter] so our plan to prevent american guns from being used in mexican gang violence is to provide mexican gangs american guns. [laughter] to use according to our plan. [laughter] how exactly did we convince the mexican government to cooperate
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the...
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Jul 22, 2011
07/11
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here is jon stewart with your morning punch line. >> they need strength. they will need agility, they will need luck, but mostly to survive, they will need money. >> gingrich, $2 million, rick santorum not so much, half a million dollars. >> $500,000 in the work chest. bye-bye. >> what about that old silver back, newt gingrich? by the way, he stopped shaving his back when he left congress. >> i wonder how "the daily show" will depict pawlenty's demise? if a pawlenty campaign falls in the woods, does it make a sound? >> herman cain raised $2 million. that's a lot of pepperoni for the godfather of pepperoni pizza. there's one candidate who seems to be gaining strength. michele bachmann. >> michele bachmann's migraines and whether this should be considered a campaign issue. >> got to say, of all my issues with bachmann's brain. >> $18 million raised. mitt romney is the king of the jungle, the thick maned, super predator of the race, the republican's aslund. >>> time for your political ticker with tim farley live from washington. 11 days and counting until the
here is jon stewart with your morning punch line. >> they need strength. they will need agility, they will need luck, but mostly to survive, they will need money. >> gingrich, $2 million, rick santorum not so much, half a million dollars. >> $500,000 in the work chest. bye-bye. >> what about that old silver back, newt gingrich? by the way, he stopped shaving his back when he left congress. >> i wonder how "the daily show" will depict pawlenty's demise? if...
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Jul 21, 2011
07/11
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jon? jon: wendall, despite the warnings of what happens if country's borrowing power isn't increased, that new fox poll that suggests most people are against it, right? >> reporter: and it's not even close, jon. 60% of the respondents to the fox poll don't agree with the idea of raising the debt limit, and you can begin to understand why when you look at some other questions in the poll. most people, 55%, don't believe that failing to raise the debt ceiling would lead to a financial catastrophe. less than 40% do. this despite warnings from republicans and democrats that the first-ever default in u.s. history could lead to a global recession. meanwhile, the president's job approval rating still stuck below 50%, and it's slightly behind his disapproval rating though with a margin of error plus or minus 3%, they are statistically even. jon? jon: wendall goler at the white house, thank you. jenna: more action today on capitol hill where right now the senate banking committee is holding a heari
jon? jon: wendall, despite the warnings of what happens if country's borrowing power isn't increased, that new fox poll that suggests most people are against it, right? >> reporter: and it's not even close, jon. 60% of the respondents to the fox poll don't agree with the idea of raising the debt limit, and you can begin to understand why when you look at some other questions in the poll. most people, 55%, don't believe that failing to raise the debt ceiling would lead to a financial...
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Jul 8, 2011
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jon: all right. what about the tarp money? joys b. wants to know isn't there tarp money left? where is that going? jeff? >> well, i mean there is this larger issue of where i do disagree with steve moore on the nature of a fiscal policy. i think that the tarp was not fiscal stimulus, the tarp was to rescue the banks, and there is a lot to be said about that. relative to where we were two and a half years ago we came out pretty well on the banks. relative to where we were two and a half years ago when the economy was in free fall we are doing pretty well. we are averaging 800,000 jobs per month two and a half years ago. the current job situation, well, you know, bad, it's nowhere near as bad as then. steve said about a normal recovery, this is the third recovery in a row where the job market has lagged behind. the job market isn't lagging behind any worse this time than the previous two times. it's a really bad recession. >> i agree with a lot of what you said. if you look at this recession compared t
jon: all right. what about the tarp money? joys b. wants to know isn't there tarp money left? where is that going? jeff? >> well, i mean there is this larger issue of where i do disagree with steve moore on the nature of a fiscal policy. i think that the tarp was not fiscal stimulus, the tarp was to rescue the banks, and there is a lot to be said about that. relative to where we were two and a half years ago we came out pretty well on the banks. relative to where we were two and a half...
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Jul 28, 2011
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>> jon: but isn't that... isn't it easy to say that it's a very easy thing to do to dismiss it, not all organizations that claim to be partisan are as such and they're not all created equal and what is the thing that is stymieing the debate? or allowing it to be honest? what is it that's preventing, in your mind, the honest aspect of it? >> because i think people don't listen. i think that it's right now as i said people get locked into one perspective or another and, you know, it's part of what's going on. and gulf stream to web sites with other like-minded people. they even get into subgroups of that web site and if you're not exactly on target, you're a bad guy. if you don't agree with me, you're a traitor. the last book i wrote "enough" was about bill cosby and cosby saying "we've got problems in the black community, out-of-wedlock births, high dropout rates, acceptance of the drug culture. we have to stop this." and cosby, all of a sudden he was labeled a bad guy, he's airing dirty laundry. look at what's
>> jon: but isn't that... isn't it easy to say that it's a very easy thing to do to dismiss it, not all organizations that claim to be partisan are as such and they're not all created equal and what is the thing that is stymieing the debate? or allowing it to be honest? what is it that's preventing, in your mind, the honest aspect of it? >> because i think people don't listen. i think that it's right now as i said people get locked into one perspective or another and, you know, it's...
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Jul 25, 2011
07/11
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nobody gives a... >> jon: did he sign your yearbook afterwards? >> yeah. >> jon: wow. you're in love. we tried desperately. this is so interesting that you bring this up. we tried desperately to get ryan goesling. we wanted him desperately for this movie. he's the guy that we really wanted. we called the publicist of the movie and the director and we said, boy, ryan goesling looks great in this. can he come do the show, and they said, well, i think only one guy from the movie, and we go, yeah, no, can we get ryan? and... [laughter] so your new movie is a comedy about love. are you all right? [laughter] >> i forgive you. >> jon: do you? >> i do. jon june you know what, i've been waiting ten years to hear those words. >> remember that thing? >> jon: we were just talking about. this we should do a reunion and get everybody together. >> i think that's a great idea. i would love to. [cheering and applause] >> jon: and have a huge... hold on. a huge untelevised party. [laughter] televised party and then here's what i was thinking of doing, all the old correspondents and i pi
nobody gives a... >> jon: did he sign your yearbook afterwards? >> yeah. >> jon: wow. you're in love. we tried desperately. this is so interesting that you bring this up. we tried desperately to get ryan goesling. we wanted him desperately for this movie. he's the guy that we really wanted. we called the publicist of the movie and the director and we said, boy, ryan goesling looks great in this. can he come do the show, and they said, well, i think only one guy from the movie,...
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[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking, what's good here? what are we eating? when the neighbors bring a baby over, does he kiss it repeatedly on the cheek over and over again looking for the cameras? if so, bing, you he could be looking at four to eight years in the illinois statehouse followed by 15 to 20 years in prison. >> jon: terrifying, john. do you think it's getting through to the next generation? >> we can only hope, but it's not for lack of trying. already they're launching a statewide campaign to keep kids on the right track. talk to your children, jon, talk to your kids before it's too late. >> jon: thank you so much, john oliver with
[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking,...
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Jul 26, 2011
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right there. >> jon: i tried that once. with him? >> with him. >> jon: jumped on. with another friend, vomited about 30 seconds. for me, that's like riding with the blue angels. that's like i'm never doing that again. you got to do it once. >> i have to say sincerely i was so impressed by him. i means that's a pretty bold move to go and perform at lincoln center singing, you know, sondheim in front of 3,000 people. and that's sort of out of his comfort zone and he was just really great at it. >> jon: i actually went and saw it live. it was tremendous. >> thank you. >> jon: and i thoroughly enjoyed all of you guys but i was stunned that you had-- i heard you had like two weekends to work on it. they put on a full production of company, like an 18 hour play -- >> it's not. >> jon: and you learned the singing and the dancing was extraordinary that you even had the time to put it together. >> once a year they like to do a semi staged concert version of a show as a gala. and this was frar from semi staged. i think they said that just to get us all to sign up. and then w
right there. >> jon: i tried that once. with him? >> with him. >> jon: jumped on. with another friend, vomited about 30 seconds. for me, that's like riding with the blue angels. that's like i'm never doing that again. you got to do it once. >> i have to say sincerely i was so impressed by him. i means that's a pretty bold move to go and perform at lincoln center singing, you know, sondheim in front of 3,000 people. and that's sort of out of his comfort zone and he was...
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. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014 midterm s with a clear conscious. >> do you believe that fox news is exactly the ideological equivalent... of nbc news. >> i think we're the counterweight. i think they have a liberal agenda. i think we tell the other side of the story. jon seemed to think that was a big deal that i said we tell the other side of the story. i wish i had said the full story. here's what i meant. >> jon: wait. that was a big deal that you said that. that's your setting the record straight? i accidentally told the truth and wish i could t
. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014...
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Jul 28, 2011
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jon jon what do they want foreigners to know when they become a citizen? >> a lot of multiple choice questions, but nothing absports. not one sport question. >> jon: what did they ask about? >> history, politics. >> jon: please. we don't know anything about that. why should you have to? well, it's always very nice to see you. and you'll come back for the wizard of oz prequel because i'm excited about that. is it for kids, too? >> yes, yes. >> jon: "the whistleblower" opens in new york and l.a. august 5th. expands to other cities throughout august. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, yourme
jon jon what do they want foreigners to know when they become a citizen? >> a lot of multiple choice questions, but nothing absports. not one sport question. >> jon: what did they ask about? >> history, politics. >> jon: please. we don't know anything about that. why should you have to? well, it's always very nice to see you. and you'll come back for the wizard of oz prequel because i'm excited about that. is it for kids, too? >> yes, yes. >> jon: "the...
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Jul 12, 2011
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. >> jon: two years ago. >> a year ago. >> jon: but you held on to it fine wine. you wanted to age the show. >> i wanted to ride that baby as long as i could. listen, i didn't know i was going to get spiderman. i am going to ride that into the ground. >> jon: is that why it happened. >> i got spiderman so i quit rescue me. >> jon: you got spiderman. >> that will make a great movie franchise. you can't catch the premier of rescue me wednesday on 10:00 on fx this is the final season. >> this is it, baby. >> jon: what are you, seriously like [bleep] tellee savalas all of a sudden. >> yeah, with hair. >> jon: you can also see denis learing and friends on the thinning the herd tour. >> oh, that's right, i'm on tour. >> jon: wednesday night at -- >> you can read this why can't you reads one of tease books when they come out. >> and at the these never new jersey july 15th. denis leary. (cheers and applause) >> jon: that's our show, join us tomorrow night at 11:00. kid rock is going to be here. here is your moment of zen. >> the defense is sloppy and these could have been
. >> jon: two years ago. >> a year ago. >> jon: but you held on to it fine wine. you wanted to age the show. >> i wanted to ride that baby as long as i could. listen, i didn't know i was going to get spiderman. i am going to ride that into the ground. >> jon: is that why it happened. >> i got spiderman so i quit rescue me. >> jon: you got spiderman. >> that will make a great movie franchise. you can't catch the premier of rescue me wednesday on...
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Jul 14, 2011
07/11
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wow. >> no, no. >> jon: wow! >> no. >> jon: i needed that. i needed that. >> you're welcome. >> jon: thank you. >> you're welcome. >> jon: though that was a little harder than in rehearsal and it was more on the eye than i thought it was going to be. >> i don't believe in half measures and i don't know how to fake slap anyway. >> jon: that's going to leave a mark. just because this guy runs a therapy practice that perpetrates a terrible so shiite al crime on gay people itç doesn't mean i should give. in we talked about in this group, jon. comedy is a choice. you weren't born this way. >> jon: i know. i know that. >> you understand? >> jon: i do know that. >> you can resist it. you must resist it. >> jon: it's so hard jerry. >> instead of going for the cheap gay joke try watching the footage. make astute observations. he's a big man. he is dancing. what kind of dance is he doing? >> jon: it's called the the shag. that's a funny name. he has a funny name. >> jon: marcus bachmann y is that funny? >> bachmann? is that a classical music superher
wow. >> no, no. >> jon: wow! >> no. >> jon: i needed that. i needed that. >> you're welcome. >> jon: thank you. >> you're welcome. >> jon: though that was a little harder than in rehearsal and it was more on the eye than i thought it was going to be. >> i don't believe in half measures and i don't know how to fake slap anyway. >> jon: that's going to leave a mark. just because this guy runs a therapy practice that perpetrates a...
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Jul 26, 2011
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. >> jon: captain america! (cheers and applause) >> jon: let me get you caught up. while many americans were enjoying america's fast food sidewalks and justy dashboard steaks our country moved close ever to self-inflicted economic coulds la, something we have known has been companying for as long as we have been told, it's coming. >> treasury secretary tim geithner sut approximatinging a date on what says would be a national disaster, as early as parch 31st. >> we can give congress until the end of june. >> geithner says the nation will disolve on its dead july 8th. >> moved the drop dead date from july 8th to august 2 wnd if congress doesn't act by the second they will put our-- they will downgrade our credit, first time in history, and if that happens, are you going to see cat strafk damage across the american economy and across the global economy. >> jon: the only other catastrophe that's moved its date this often was spicerman turn off the darbling. (laughter) (laughter) 112th congress has been completely unable to muster a debt sealing agreement to avoid eye ho
. >> jon: captain america! (cheers and applause) >> jon: let me get you caught up. while many americans were enjoying america's fast food sidewalks and justy dashboard steaks our country moved close ever to self-inflicted economic coulds la, something we have known has been companying for as long as we have been told, it's coming. >> treasury secretary tim geithner sut approximatinging a date on what says would be a national disaster, as early as parch 31st. >> we can...
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Jul 20, 2011
07/11
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name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the police to cover it up. has unfortunately turned ugly. (laughter) as of now, london's two top policemen at scotland yard let's call them officer blu rotton has resigned. andrew colton has been arrested and sunday tragically authorities arrested poor mrs. weasley. (laughter) wait, no that's not mrs. weasley. sorry, tragically, authorities arrested the guy from simply red. yeah, that's it. actually, arrested was rebekah brooks, the woman who ran "news of the world" during the worst of-- as the british call them-- the troubles. (lau
name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the...
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Jul 30, 2011
07/11
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i'm host jon scott. fox news watch is on right now. now. >> defaulting on our obligations is a reckless and irresponsibility outcome for this debate and the republican leaders say that they agree we must avoid default. but the new approach that speaker boehner unveiled today which would temporarily extend the debt ceiling in exchange for spending cuts would force us to once again face the threat of default just six months from now. in other words, it doesn't solve the problem. >> president obama in a prime time address monday night. that was a speech to the nation, usually, judy, when the president makes a prime time address, there is news to be made. you want to tell us that maybe, osama bin laden has been killed or something like that. was there any news? >> no, even chris mathews and joe scarboro on msnbc were noting, oh, by gosh, this was a scold lecture, saying something other than no, but the republicans were doing the same thing in all fairness. >> here is what michael gerson wrote in the washington post, a pelel address to the
i'm host jon scott. fox news watch is on right now. now. >> defaulting on our obligations is a reckless and irresponsibility outcome for this debate and the republican leaders say that they agree we must avoid default. but the new approach that speaker boehner unveiled today which would temporarily extend the debt ceiling in exchange for spending cuts would force us to once again face the threat of default just six months from now. in other words, it doesn't solve the problem. >>...
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Jul 15, 2011
07/11
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jon stewart is an a guest. >> jimmy: he's a great guy. >> just for example. that's when you learn that, like, he majored in chemistry in college. so i had to ask him the geek question -- did he have a favorite element. and he said -- yes, he did. he said carbon. so i said well, why? he said because it's the slut of the periodic table. [ laughter ] it binds with all other elements in many different ways from behind, from above. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is going down? >> because of that, it's the foundation of biology. carbon makes the most complex molecules there are, and the most complex state of chemistry we know, we call biology. >> jimmy: that is very cool. >> that's useful to know when you're looking for life elsewhere in the universe. so, so, there -- talking about science with jon stewart. and there are others. we have a guy who wrote the book called "the physics of superheroes." that was fun, and -- two parts in a week. >> jimmy: like, how can superman actually fly? >> well yeah. so, yeah. there's a lot of violation of the la
jon stewart is an a guest. >> jimmy: he's a great guy. >> just for example. that's when you learn that, like, he majored in chemistry in college. so i had to ask him the geek question -- did he have a favorite element. and he said -- yes, he did. he said carbon. so i said well, why? he said because it's the slut of the periodic table. [ laughter ] it binds with all other elements in many different ways from behind, from above. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy:...
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Jul 15, 2011
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abc's jon karl explains. >> reporter: we took a journey to the u.s. mint in philadelphia for a lesson in how the government is losing money by making money. this is the presidential dollar coin. congress ordered the mint to make millions of them to honor every dead president but nobody seems to want them. they cost 32 cents a pop to make. the mint makes nearly 2 million of them every day. do the math. about 600,000 dollars a day to make them. because almost nobody uses these things, most go directly into storage. we found a bunch of them 100 miles down the road in a vault. here at the federal reserve in baltimore, the coins are packed into plastic bags stacked one on top of each other all the way up and down this aisle several aisles of them, millions and millions of dollars in presidential coins. federal reserve says they are piling up so quickly they are spending $650,000 to build a new vault in dallas to hold them. shipping the coins there will cost another $3 million. senator jack reed was one of the co-sponsors of the bill that directed the mint
abc's jon karl explains. >> reporter: we took a journey to the u.s. mint in philadelphia for a lesson in how the government is losing money by making money. this is the presidential dollar coin. congress ordered the mint to make millions of them to honor every dead president but nobody seems to want them. they cost 32 cents a pop to make. the mint makes nearly 2 million of them every day. do the math. about 600,000 dollars a day to make them. because almost nobody uses these things, most...